Up, up, up

There’s nowhere to go but up

Up, up, up

Keep dragging me down you will

But up I go

Up, up, up

Not looking back or past

Up I go

Up, up, up

Can’t scare me, break me, shrink me, drown me

Because up I go

Up, up, up

Keep dragging me down you will

But I get up

Up, up, up

And I'm not looking back

No.

Source

Underneath My Sheets

Been staying up past 3am

Scratching and squirming underneath my sheets

I've got a list of things to do

Works piled in the masses of my bedroom

Not wanting to be touched, but

Needs to be picked up

Been finding out

Its either change for the worse, or

Stuck in time

Muscle spasms on my toes, feet and eyes

Underneath my sheets

I can’t fall asleep

Let my living nightmares subside

Breathe into REM sleep

Let darkness

Cover up…

New Years and Such

It always bothers me that people wait until the "new year" to make changes in their lives. It also bothers me that NYE is so overrated. Why not just treat every other "normal" day as an opportunity to make resolutions, to welcome change, to become the new, ideal version of yourself?

Why wait 365 days to finally be nicer to people, to work-out etc...new years resolutions are shit. There, I said it. In my opinion, the reason why people make new years resolutions is the hope that things will be better in the new year (but what was really bad about the last year?) I find that every year is practically always the same anyways. Year after year, we fall back into old patterns because humans are creatures of habit. If you only plan to change when the calender year changes, you're not really in for a surprise. Motivate yourself throughout the whole year, celebrate little milestones (no matter how small) and trust me, you won't need that "hope" in the new year and you won't have to wait 365 days.

Since I'm already on the topic of milestones, here are some of my own that I will share :)

• Creating a business plan for one of my ideas!
• Winning 1st place for the best pitch for my business plan
• Cooking more
• Becoming more "ladylike" by introducing heels and dresses into my wardrobe *shocker!
• Composing my own songs on guitar (and still going)
• Designing and decorating the master bedroom in the condo
• Walking to work 
• Playing with my little nieces 
• Hanging out with families 

Now I leave you with one of my fav songs of 2013 that is both uplifting and chill!

Life Lesson: Be Your Own Best Friend

I had a very heartfelt conversation over Skype the other day with a new friend from NYC. It helped me realize that no matter what you're going through, you are never truly alone. I used to beat myself up internally over the fact that I can never seem to keep long lasting friendships, or that my friends seem to come and go like wildfire. I blamed myself for not being able to hang on to these people and that I just didn't have staying power.

Yes, people change, I change and we all move on. There's a movement in life just like there is a movement in friendships. Even though people in my past have gone (and some still linger in my heart), I am always meeting new people and building new relationships everyday.

In order to love myself unconditionally, I have to be my own cheerleader, my own saviour, and my own best friend. I can't rely on anyone else to fill that best friend void, so if you are feeling or have ever felt what I feel, I suggest you be your own best friend. 

Source

Designing: The Details (Master Bedroom Part II)

My previous post showed the before and after stills of my newly designed master bedroom. This post is to show closeups of the room and details about where you can find some of the furniture and decorations I have (in Canada). Not much to write here, just enjoy the pictures.

View from the doorway

New York City three panel canvas from Winners

Curtain and rod from Home Outfitters, big plant from Home Sense

Crystal lamp and rectangular lamp shade + vase and flowers from Home Outfitters (end tables and bed frame were all originally dark brown but were repainted white- 4 coats of furniture paint and topped with 3 coats of clear varnish-not an easy feat) 

The other end table with a different flower arrangement

Bedspread is from the *Hotel Collection* at The Bay

Life Lesson: Everything is Temporary

A wise person once told me that everything is temporary. This is especially important to note when you are feeling sad, depressed, or down on yourself. Whether you're feeling blue because you got bullied in school, lost a loved one, got rejected from school, fired from your last job, smashed into a car, dumped by your ex-boyfriend etc. Those horrible and what feels like inescapable feelings of suffering will subside. Eventually.

What you have to remember is that no matter how gross or sickly you are feeling, it will go away and soon you will be laughing again. "Shit happens, and then you move on". However, some people take longer to move on than others. I used to think I moved on very fast but that was because I didn't take the time to grieve on my "misfortunes" and I just jumped the gun to get away from the hurt. I soon learned that I was repressing every little ounce of the pain by attempting to move on too fast. I learned that because once something or someone "triggered" me, I wept like a thousand babies without their mothers. I was drowning in my own self pity.

That is no way to live...do not be a prisoner to your own feelings of self doubt, self pity, and self hatred. Yes, it's true that no one else cares, but because we're our own worst critics, once it rains, it just keeps pouring (this I know is true). But guess what? Even the pouring rain will stop. Once you understand this simple concept of how everything is temporary, you will be more than OK.

Selfish Lover

Does not satisfy his partners needs

Will play video games with his bro’s until morning breeds

Making empty promises he can’t keep

Selfish lover oh he. 

Last I heard partnership was a two way street

Where is the halfway meet?

Need a dog with new tricks up his sleeves

Getting tired of the same old, boring routine

Drive me home

At least I can cum on my own

Selfish lover oh he.

Don’t speak, just eat.

Shutup, you know what I really mean. 

Source Unknown 

Red Goblin

Nineteen years have gone by,

And I can't recount the times I've slammed the door, shouted, whined, and cried out loud

Until every window in my house felt like they were going to shatter.

I have a temper and it's as easy as that.

Don't be fooled by the exterior of my shell,

A small frame given and a sweet face feigned. 

Deep inside there's a lion, a tiger, a monster that's creeping in thy blood of mine.

It boils with rage and cools with solace. 

If you peel away my skin, 

I wouldn't be so pretty, would I?

Look at me red, raw, and dripping with liquid.

I'm vulgar, I'm foul, and I'm disgusting. 

Leave. 

I've said enough.

Life Lesson: Don't Care About What Others Think

I try to stay away from blogging anything too personal, but if I can help inspire others and shed new light then why not? I'm sure I'm not the first and only person who has these thoughts, so there's no harm to myself or my privacy. I am back home at my mom's and the second thing I had to do (first being- spending quality time with my sister <3) was to tear open my old diary.

Reflection is so powerful. How can anybody grow if they don't reflect on anything? This is why I kept/keep a diary, even though I barely write in it anymore. I am literally pulling a page from it though from my past and I'm willing to share one of my reflections.

"In order to be truly happy and content, one must live and do things for oneself without fear or judgement from others. When I do things for myself without expecting anyone's approval or praise, I am a lot more at peace with myself. When I start to wander off about what does this person think, will anyone like...did anyone notice etc....it's a negative spiral. Nothing good comes out of thinking that way! I have to literally, constantly remind myself that I should NOT care about what others think. Everytime when I catch myself thinking about what other people may think I tell myself to SHUT UP. And it works.
This is my life and I am going to live it however I want to and I am not living to impress others or to conform to what is regarded as "normal", or that I need to be in a certain phase by a certain age. And for people who do actually judge based upon those things, apparently they are not living free from the demands of society, or whatever.
Believe it or not, it took me a lot of "failures" and falling down with my head hung low to finally build myself up again as a whole new being.
I know that I am not defined by what I consider my "failures" or "successes". I am defined by how I treat others, how I express myself, what I value and believe in...
I am looking forward to living the rest of my life for ME and trying to find passion and the beautiful things in this world".

As should you, whoever who is reading this.

Designing: The Master Bedroom Part I

This summer I am designing my little heart out! Having been in school for a whole year, number crunching in finance and stats, it's time to unleash and channel my creativity. The best way to do that is to completely transform my living space. Starting with the master bedroom (master bathroom is still in the works).

As you can see, the old bedroom was dark and dungeon like. The walls were painted in maroon and the bed sheet as curtains didn't help with the design either. To help the matter, my partner and I redesigned this room by repainting it 3 different colours: light grey, dark grey (accent wall), and a punch of purple underneath the bulkhead. Brighter, neutral colours such as greys opened up the room and gave it a more contemporary look and feel. The inspiration for this master bedroom was hotel-like, fresh and modern.

  

More transformations to come!

Favourite Starbucks Drinks

Don't know what to order at Starbucks?

I am an avid coffee and tea drinker and I love Starbucks drinks. All I can say is, you won't be disappointed. Note: I love all of these drinks, but I added a * next to the ones I always drink.

Hot Coffees 

• Caramel Macchiato *
• Blonde Roast (very light flavour with a lot of caffeine) 
• White Mocha (with toffee nut syrup)
• Peppermint Mocha (holiday drink) *
• Gingerbread Latte (holiday drink)
• Pumpkin Spice Latte (holiday drink)

Tip: consider getting "half sweet" if you don't like too much sugar.  

Hot Teas 

• Green Tea Latte with soy milk *
• Earl Grey Tea Latte aka London Fog *
• Berry Blosson White Tea Latte *
• Chai Latte 

Cold Drinks

• Iced Caramel Macchiato *
• Vanilla Frappuccino (it's different from vanilla bean- this has the coffee base and vanilla bean powder, also add one shot of espresso for oomph) *
• Passion Tea Lemonade (Tip: add raspberry syrup) * 

I may or may not be opening up my own Starbucks lol

My Anthem

There are lots of good songs out there, lots! BUT this right here, well, it's my anthem and it has always been one of my most favourite songs (also one of my fav bands).